Britney Spears Hears About Her Blood Test

Britney Spears wore a flowered skirt with wedge shoes. She sat on a nondescript metal chair with a vinyl seat. Britney was alone in a white room with a medical examination table and acountertop replete with medical supplies. The window had venetian blinds that created horizontal slits of the white hot Los Angeles light. Britney held a T-Mobile Sidekick cell phone in her right hand and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes in her left hand. She was tapping the Marlboro pack on her left knee that crossed over her right leg. Britney’s left foot was air tapping with the same beat as theMarlboros. The door opened and in walked Dr. Harriet Schwimmer.

“How are we doing?” asked Dr. Schwimmer.

“We are doing fine,” said Britney Spears.

“Well, not so much. I have your blood and urine tests results here,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“And there is a problem?” asked Britney.

“Your liver. It is showing signs of fatty tissue,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“I am starting to aggressively diet,” said Britney.

“Caloric intake is not the issue. It’s the alcohol. The drugs. Or it may be something else,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“Like what?” asked Britney.

“Well, may I suggest that we clean up our act for a month or two to see if the blood work goes back to normal. And you might want to give up tobacco, Britney,” said Dr.Schwimmer.

“I never heard of cigarettes being bad for the liver,” said Britney.

“They aren’t. But it was not a good thing that you smoked while you were pregnant,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“Let’s stay on topic. My liver. What did the urine test show?” asked Britney.

“Your kidneys are stressed. Your urine is very dark. You are either dehydrating or your kidneys are struggling. Again, I suggest we change the life style issues before we start down a road of tests,” said Dr.Schwimmer.

“I’m barely drinking. And I don;t really take drugs, OK. So now I am worried,” said Britney.

“Britney, when we took your blood you were drunk. You drove here during the day with a blood alcohol level that was above the legal limit for driving. Focus on that. It was during the day, and you drove to your doctor’s office for a medical checkup and you were drunk,” said Dr.Schwimmer.

“I was not,” said Britney.

“And the file says you were here for a 1:30 PM appointment,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“I had lunch. It was like a business lunch. I may have had a drink or two,” said Britney.

“And you stink of tobacco. When was the last time you bathed?” asked Dr. Schwimmer.

“What? What is this? Are you my mother?” said Britney as she stood.

“It is typical for alcoholics and drug addicts to eschew personal hygiene,” said Dr. Schwimmer.

“Eschew? I don;t even know what that means? Is that a medical term?’ asked Britney.

“No…”

“Screw this. I don’t need to listen to this stupid lecture. If you think you can have a medical practice here in Beverly Hills and get away with this shit, you’re fucked up. We celebrities don’t take this crap from just any old doctor. So just, so just stick those blood tests up your ass,” said Britney as she opened the door and walked out.

| Stumble it! |

3 Comments »

1. Nice site thanks i will be back.

   Comment by Britney spears bald — March 30, 2007 @ 4:41 am

2. know more of Ashley Judd…..

   Comment by pricilla — April 12, 2007 @ 6:07 am

3. Thanksgiving, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears certainly seemed glad to have each other around.

   Comment by Paris Hilton and Britney Spears Fan — July 11, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>