Madonna Lectures Guy Ritchie On Islam As She Does Yoga In Her Underwear – Part One

Salty sweat beads formed on Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone’s face and sculpted bare arms as she completed one hundred push ups. Her breasts were held tight by a black running bra, and she was also wearing a black thong. Madonna was as naked as someone could be without being naked. As she finished her last push up, she raised her slightly rippled butt into the air in the yoga pose known as a Down Dog, where her hands and toes were firmly planted on the red mat below, arms and legs straight, and her body forming an inverted “V.”

Madonna’s hair was long and tied into a pony tail, which hung down, its last few inches lying on the mat under her head as she remained in the Down Dog for a count of fifty. Madonna then stood into a sun salutation, raising her hands into the air, stick straight upwards, her palms together in prayer-form. She took a deep breath in and lowered her arms to her side.

Guy Ritchie sat on a bench drinking out of a small straw that was poked into a small soy milk pack. He looked at his wife, at her arms and legs and face. Almost every muscle was visible, all the striations of muscle tissue revealed themselves through Madonna’s aging skin. The blue blood vessels ran up and down Madonna’s arm and legs, not to mention Madonna’s neck. The unstoppable juggernaut of age betrays itself everywhere, from head to chin. Of course, Madonna’s oxygen injections and botox had smoothed out her face, and the strawberry hair and side part gave Madonna a thirty something look. But it appeared to Guy that his wife’s passionate, no, obsessive quest to maintain a lean and mean body had actually resulted in making her look older, not younger.

Of course, everyone was in awe that someone 48 years old could possibly be so trim and obviously fit. But the unmentioned, the unspoken truth was that it aged Madonna, much like the marathon runner who looks older than their years. Guy couldn’t say this. Not to his wife, of course. Madonna would launch into a fury about Guy’s bad habits and poor nutrition. Hence, the soy milk pack Guy was holding in his hand.

Guy hated soy milk. He had given up beer. He had given up whiskey. He didn’t smoke anymore. He was nearly a vegetarian. And there was something about the whole life style change imposed on him by his wife that drained Guy of any creative impulse. He had virtually dropped out of filmmaking. He felt lost and confused and supremely healthy. As if his life force had been sucked out of his libido and his penis and sent to his blood chemistry or liver, or some body part that had nothing to do with cranking out a story or shooting a movie.

“I think we should visit a mosque. It’s the only way,” said Madonna.

Oh Christ, thought Guy. Madonna had lost touch.

To Be Continued.

| Stumble it! |

3 Comments »

1. It is not hard to imagine Madonna praying in a mosque but it is hard to imagine that she will reach the peace of mind a moslem would get praying in a mosque.

   They say Michael has built a mosque. I say she can follow suite.They say building a mosque can advance one’s chances for redemption. I do not know if Madonna is looking for redemption but if she is accepting and believing in what was written on one of her tshirts “In Madonna we trust” and placed her name in place of God and she really means it then I think she might need it.

   Comment by Naj — August 11, 2006 @ 3:17 am

2. Dear Naj,

   The t-shirt Madonna wore in Rome was designed by a fan. During her world tours, Madonna made it a custom to pick t-shirts designed by fans. What would be a better occation then Rome to wear the ultra creative In Madonna We Trust t-shirt, teasing Vatican on their much-a-do-about-nothing.

   That is sense of humor.
   That is artistic expression.
   That is no noncense behaviour.
   Typical Madonna!

   Comment by JAY CENTER — August 23, 2006 @ 4:38 pm

3. Madonna has been sround for decades in the entertainment business and im sure she has met a lot of people with so many different religions and cultures.
   Madonna might of looked into the islamic faith and she might of not. I think it wont hurt her to visit a mosque or to pray in one, out of all things if she was to learn about islam she will gain self guidance and inner peace within her life and beyond.

   Comment by adam — January 20, 2008 @ 1:36 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>