Parodical » Johnny Depp Gives Keira Knightley Acting Advice

Johnny Depp Gives Keira Knightley Acting Advice

Wednesday July 19th 2006, 9:30 am
Filed under: Art, Celebrity, Entertainment

Johnny Depp sat on a cheap black metal folding chair in his forty foot by nine foot trailer that had been hauled to the southern tip of Grand Bahama Island for the shooting of a scene for Pirates of the Caribbean – Dead Man’s Chest. Depp was in costume, his long hair strands tied with beads. The trailer’s air conditioning unit sat on top, and was humming with a grind and a rattle, working hard to beat the near hundred degree heat on the expansive white sandy beach outside.

Sitting in front of Depp was Keira Knightley. Keira’s hairpiece was on the floor between her bare legs and feet. She was wearing a light blue bikini, her elbows leaning on her knees and she was bending forward. Keira’s hair was cropped short, a result of the role she played in the movie Domino. Because of Domino, Keira had to wear a wig throughout the shooting of Pirates.

Depp peeled a banana and started to chomp, as if in his Jack Sparrow character.

“You should eat something,” said Depp.

“I have a headache,” said Keira as she rubbed her forehead.

“You’re dehydrated,” said Depp.

“I hate the heat. I hate the beach. This is torture,” said Keira.

Keira was five foot seven inches tall and by Depp’s estimation weighed no more than 100 pounds. The bones of her shoulders as well as Keira’s sternum and collar bones all protruded through paper thin skin. And Depp could see Keira’s spine run up the middle of her back, like a narrow rocky berm running over a sand hill. A skeleton. Not a nanometer of fatty tissue was anywhere on Keira’s body except for her breasts, a location where women did not seem to mind fat cells. Keira had obviously been starving herself for the Pirates movie, but Depp could not understand why since she was in heavy costume for most of the film.

“I do not like to give advice to my colleagues, but I if I may make a suggestion,” said Depp.

“A suggestion about what?” asked Keira as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“You’re phoning in the performance. That accounts for the fact that you are having a miserable time,” said Depp.

“Excuse me?” said Keira.

“You are not in character. In fact, you haven’t even created a character for Elizabeth Swan. You’re just saying the lines. The words are coming from nowhere,” said Depp.

“Oh, like the fey pirate thing you’re doing with Jack Sparrow is a real character. Give me a break,” said Keira.

“Well, maybe it’s thin, but it’s still a character. I’ve at least made a choice. And so I am having fun,” said Depp.

“You’re having fun because it’s an excuse for you to be feminine, which is really all you want to do anyway. Why don’t you put on a dress and go all the way,” said Keira.

“Jack Sparrow is not a cross dresser. And he likes women. He just has a way of being. Anyway, I am not the one who has a headache and is starving themselves to death,” said Depp.

“What? I am not starving myself. Anyway, my body is like none of your business,” said Keira.

“You are in my trailer,” said Depp.

“I am in your trailer because the fucking air conditioning is not working in my trailer. And don’t think that kiss thing we did means anthing. I got a headache right after the five fucking takes on that kiss,” said Keira.

“The first one was the best,” said Depp.

“I sort of liked the last one,” said Keira, who then became mindful of her betrayal. “I liked the last one because it was the last one, got it,” said Keira.

“Look. They are about to shoot you running around on the beach. Get dressed and show yourself how good a time you can have. Get a little character and have a little fun. Run around the beach and act silly. Be silly. Then you will not feel the heat, and the beach will become a beautiful place. And I bet your headache will go away,” said Depp.

“Is that Johnny Depp giving me advice or Jack Sparrow?” said Keira.

“I’m not sure,” said Depp.

Keira smiled. She grabbed her wig and stood on her pencil thin legs and opened the trailer door. The bright sun of the Bahamas shot in like a saber. Keira stepped out and closed the door from behind. Depp decided that Keira weighed less than 100 pounds, and was probably too weak to create a character. Maybe she was exhausted from her work in Domino. Maybe she was just doing it for the paycheck. Afterall, it was a Disney movie based on a Disney theme park ride. So maybe Keira Knightley felt like she could just phone it in and rely on her big-lip smile to get her through the movie. But as far as Depp was concerned, whether it is a light movie or a heavy movie, an actor should always find a way to create a character. Without it, the people do not get their money’s worth. And for Depp, it was all about what the audience was getting. If they are not getting character, then what’s the purpose of the actor, Depp thought. Depp suspected that the popularity of digital animation was in part due to the fact that actors had not been doing their work. Why would an audience watch an actor just say the lines if they could also watch animated cars just say their lines. Actors have so much more in their arsenal of tools, it was a shame most of them did not use the power of their craft.

Depp was starting to feel sad. He could feel Jack Sparrow leaving his body. Depp stood up and shook his body, shaking out his thoughts and retrieving the pirate Jack Sparrow. Jack Sparrow returned and he was ready to go. He walked his light walk to the door and left the trailer into the Bahamian sun. And the movie continues.

Stumble it! |

58 Comments »

wow, great article

Comment by dfsdfsdfasdf — July 22, 2006 @ 12:28 am
omg ok that was a nice little story but thats all that was…. i doubt that eveb happened and if it did i think it has been taken completely out of praportion… keira created a great character and it was the very part she played in pirates 2 that made a huge fan… she is one of the only acters that i feel dont care about the pay check and just do it for the fun… i think most of this is total rubish

Comment by nikki — July 22, 2006 @ 6:05 am
ahahahahahahaha XD common now, if your gonna make up an article at least make it believable!

Comment by noname — July 24, 2006 @ 10:58 am
i thought it was quite well-written, amusing, and insightful to the times, myself.

Comment by me — July 24, 2006 @ 5:17 pm
ok,no offence but that was the biggest pile of crap i hav eva heard!! hav u not even seen the interviews with keira about johnny? she wanted 2 kiss him, duhm he is like the hottest guy on the planet. and she wud not insult him like that, coz she woz begging the director for a kiss, and besides, u write like she is such a bitch, and she isnt!! she is a really kind person who adds to the growing list of depp fans. make it believable, sheesh!!!

Comment by madi — July 24, 2006 @ 7:26 pm
I cannot believe madi thinks the public relations interviews with Keira Knightley have any relation to what actually happpens. The PR inteviews are as made up as this blog. I bet this fictional blog is closer to the truth. Get real madi.

Comment by jim — July 24, 2006 @ 8:16 pm
nice I like this shit :DD no, really.

Comment by miju — July 25, 2006 @ 9:16 pm
but, I think that Keira would never act like that…

Comment by miju — July 25, 2006 @ 9:18 pm
I came across this by accident… interesting ideas.

Comment by Mark — July 25, 2006 @ 11:02 pm
come on. keira is a wanna be super star forgetting her roots and acting a child she is. johnny has picked and choosen his wonderful roles throughout his carreer. he brings a little of the old school believable acting, a little respect to the field not seen too often these days. people now don’t even know what to do with their day but talk on the cell phone about nothing, get a tan or face lift. gimmie a break. keira is what is evil and johnny is what is jazz. if you don’t know what that means, then you don’t even get it anyway.

Comment by benocular — July 30, 2006 @ 2:15 am
this is the most silly interview . actually i dont believe smt like that ’cause keira wanted to kiss depp so the thing that i dont get is why did she need smt. like that ? thats stupid. according to her speech depp is like her childhood hero or smt. so i dont think that she would insult him .. so if they wanna hear an advice that much ..let me say : please write smt. more believable…..thats an advice not that .. i do think its nice for knightly to talk depp by that way i mean advice thing but not like that its so obvious that its not for real:( im so sorry guys but as i see no one believed this so next time make smt up more believable!!!!

Comment by szzzzzn — August 2, 2006 @ 10:12 am
ok this is such bullsh!t keira isnt even that f*ck’n skinny and she said he was like a childhood hero or sum sh!t like that why the hell would she insult him like that i mean wot the hell! that article is such crap! next time u wanna make sum shit up…dont, cuz us uck at it ne way

Comment by Trisha — August 2, 2006 @ 8:25 pm
ok,tht iz the biggest pile of crap ever first of all keira begged for a kiss with jonny 2 she isnt even tht skinny and 3 i mean plz jonny iz a brilliant actor and i dnt think tht he would tlk like tht 2 one of his collouges and to those who wrote about the fact tht he is mind blowingly gorgous tht is rally not the point but i agree anyway.

Comment by chantelle — August 3, 2006 @ 2:49 pm
i think that is stupid. srry but both keira and johnny r amazing at acting. i think that keira is very thin, but not in danger of being unhealthy. i dont think that these ppl would ever say these things 2 each other unless the heat was really getting 2 them. really tho, this article was pointless and i dont think any one is really stupid enough 2 believe it

Comment by Hannah — August 5, 2006 @ 8:46 pm
besides look at the top of this page…..its not really supposed 2 b believed at all, right?……XP

Comment by hannah — August 5, 2006 @ 8:49 pm
WHAT?!?! keira begged the directors to get thst kiss and she was talking about how great it was and then shes saying she liked the last one cuz then it was over. thats messed up n johnny says it was unbelivebly awkward n then in this article it seems like hes the one who liked it. anyways i liked the article i could kind of picture it happening but then i noticed the top where it says IMAGINARY moments of hollywood n stuff so now it makes sense

Comment by kris — August 6, 2006 @ 9:55 am
omygosh this is pure bull why would u make up somthing like that i dought that kiera would say something like that to johnny and i dought johnny would comment her acting when in fact she did great in it this is really pathetic. look your a goood wrighter but work on reality a bit.

Comment by june — August 8, 2006 @ 1:16 am
If I could only be in that trailer instead of knightly……..haha

Comment by colombina — August 13, 2006 @ 11:17 am
hey! i’m sure that didn’t happen!

Comment by vicki — August 14, 2006 @ 3:41 pm
I’m not sure if this whole story is true, but it makes for a great read.

I think that if Johnny thought Keira was taking proper care of herself that he would say something to her about it because he’s a very kind-hearted guy.
And since he’s from Kentucky(pretty near me)
I know he would’ve used all the manners his mother taught him.

However, I don’t think that Johnny would tell Keira that she wasn’t “making the character”
because that just seems too rude for him.
But he would’ve given her a few pointers.

And yes, I think that ever how-many takes had to go into “Jack & Elizabeth’s kissing scene” was probably enjoyed by both actors no matter who said what about it. I think Johnny would’ve probably liked their 1st kiss because first kisses are the best thing(even if your acting).

That’s pretty much all I think of this story…

Heather “Angel” Faye

Comment by Heather Faye — August 27, 2006 @ 2:25 pm
I’m not sure if this whole story is true, but it makes for a great read.

I think that if Johnny thought Keira wasn’t taking proper care of herself that he would say something to her about it because he’s a very kind-hearted guy.
And since he’s from Kentucky(pretty near me)
I know he would’ve used all the manners his mother taught him.

However, I don’t think that Johnny would tell Keira that she wasn’t “making the character”
because that just seems too rude for him.
But he would’ve given her a few pointers.

And yes, I think that ever how-many takes had to go into “Jack & Elizabeth’s kissing scene” was probably enjoyed by both actors no matter who said what about it. I think Johnny would’ve probably liked their 1st kiss because first kisses are the best thing(even if your acting).

That’s pretty much all I think of this story…

Comment by Heather Faye — August 27, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
I don’t think any of that’s true. Maybe I’m wrong but from where I’m looking and from what the actors seem like I think it’s all made up.
And you could find this everywhere that Keira Knightley was begging for Johnny Depp to kiss her. Look on the Internet.

Comment by Claire — September 1, 2006 @ 3:49 pm
Keira Knightley is very skinny now she thinks she is a f**king star. she thinks i have to be as skinny as a sodding match stick and she was changed her attitud cos because the fam has gone to her head! Keira why can’t u drop dead! Johnny Depp is so much better than u get over it

Comment by Chickadee — September 15, 2006 @ 7:01 am
I liked it alot I also think your a tottal hottie
that story was great but I have one question why were you staring at Kiera’s breast. Your a great actor even in the Black pearl and Dead mans chest

Comment by Tracy jaipersaud — October 7, 2006 @ 11:13 am
I THINK THAT WAS A LIE

Comment by shanesia grREMNMNE — October 29, 2006 @ 6:22 pm
That wis a lovely artical and Pirate of the caribbean movies r the best

Comment by Miss ell ess — November 2, 2006 @ 3:21 pm
I think that was pretty funny. I think maybe people should just take it as the joke it was meant to be & go on w/their day. Is it really important enough to get angry about? What a waste of energy on something so silly. The fact of the matter is, Keira is very skinny. I don’t know if she’s 100lbs or not. I haven’t been near her when she weighed herself. Johnny is a great actor. If anyone were going to offer her advice, why not him? Plus, they’ve worked together for years; why couldn’t she be hot & irritable & hungry enough to be in a bad mood & tell him to f*ck off & then smile as she’s leaving his trailer. Come on people, lighten up!

Comment by rajamiller — November 13, 2006 @ 8:59 am
okay if that did happen i lost respect for johnny…especially if he has a girlfriend and kids at home saying i liked the first [kiss] one. come on there is like no way this couldve happened…johnny depp doesnt care about how other people do or what they do as an actor or actress let alone how they live!! unless of course it was for his family! this is such a big lie! and one more thing! keira is the one who WANTED to kiss johnny! she begged the writers to put it in!

Comment by missCHELSEAdepp — November 17, 2006 @ 7:56 pm
wow, if youre gonna make a phony article at least make it true to the actors personalities!!!

Comment by kate — November 22, 2006 @ 7:54 pm
I would have offered to go to Kiera’s trailer and keep her cool with a big feather fan! Maybe give her a foot massage and help her rehearse for her kissing scenes with Johnny.

Comment by Virgil — November 25, 2006 @ 5:29 pm
Keira Knightley sucks,
Thin like death
In Domino is she a girl or a boy?
Who would like a girlfriend like that?
Only if You’d like your nose to be broken every day
Keira, change!!!! or leave movies!!!!!!!!!!!
May be start thinking!!!!!!!
Learn, read some books
Listen to someone with some experience - like Johnny Depp - everybody likes him, not you
Because of you movie sucks, too
I am sorry, but that’s truth
Keira, think about this

Comment by Albert — December 4, 2006 @ 8:38 am
I totally agree with Johnny! Oh my sweet Johhny Depp! How I loathe you Keira! I’ve watched your movies Knightly, and in all the movies you really DO have NO character, and I’m being truthful! I thought this before I read this article, and now I have backup for the truth I just said (wrote/typed). Pathetic, Keira. Take advice from lil’ Johhny, the one that we love. Captain Jack is who we love…I love you, Johhny Depp, but YOU, Knightly, NONE OF US DO. So leave, Knightly. Either change, or take advice from an actor who loves his two children, loves to act, and does it because he loves it…he truely loves it. This is the first Blockbuster movie he’s done! I do my research, and according to it, Depp said that he did this movie for his sweet little daughter named, Lilly-Rose Depp. Who’d you do it for, Keira? Who? Yourself. Selfish waste of (literally) skin and bones. No talent. No talent, Knightly! None! So leave Depp alone or take his advice. Savvy?

Comment by Cleveland State — December 9, 2006 @ 6:19 pm
this suks

Comment by john — December 26, 2006 @ 5:36 pm
omg…
this is full of shit..man get ut of movie making knightly..u have no talent u suck and i dont think that a bitch like u would say something like that and to johnny depp…i love u jonny depp anyway just stop acting knightly cuz u totally suck u ho…

Comment by vanessa — January 11, 2007 @ 1:25 pm
Lovely article, but what’s all this about Keira being so stick thin?

She’s looking quite pudgy lately. You can barely see her sternum through her flabby, pancake tits anymore.

Why don’t you use some of Johnny Depp’s money to finance yourself thin?

Acting lessons wouldn’t hurt either…

Comment by keirasfatarse — January 17, 2007 @ 7:37 pm
right i think tht she dose have chracter she has a gr8 one and has done for both P.O.T.C. films and why dose nearly every girl like johnny depp (omg im a sheep im doing what all mi other sheep m8s do i liking johnny depp) omg get over him hes an actor hes got to look good in his films and in real life or the film directors wouldent shoot him in any films der any way im a girl i dont like him big wow he looks good for his age any way keira is a grate actor and ant to thin shes just the girl for the part i cant imagen anyone doin tht part!!!

Comment by ??????????? — January 23, 2007 @ 5:50 pm
Okay look at the top of the page! just so no one believes this article! it Says
Parodical
Imaginary Moments of Politics,Buisness,Sports, Entertainment, and Celebrity!

This was just bull shit! so everyone stop believing this crap!

Comment by misschelseadepp — February 17, 2007 @ 1:25 pm
This is probably totally fake…………:)
People are so weird to make up fake articles they should get a life…

Comment by Raaaaaaaaachael — February 26, 2007 @ 8:41 am
Oh please. the text is really great, but there r some comentaries complaning that its not real. of course not. ITS NOT SUPOSED TO BE REAL!!!!!
anyway, how can people say that keira knightley sucs? Do they know her? how can they know how she is like? come on.
1: keira made a test to be on pirates of caribbean. she was chose between 1000 great actresses. so, of course she IS a good actress, or she wouldnt be there, shooting with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom and Jhonathan Pryce!
y dont u just stop intromitting on famose actors lives just because they r famouse or kissed johnny depp!
before saying keria K. sucks, be sure you dont suck! i’m not saying that she doesnt suck, but i cant say nothing because i dont know her!
But she isnt just a lucky girl. i mean, She is REALLY VERY LUCKY, but she’s there kissing johnny depp cuz she deserves it! she acts well, or she wouldnt be there!

oh, and the text is grate, i know its not suposed to be real, but if it was, it would be informative, so u couldnt know how many foot depp’s trailer is, or that keiras elbows were leaning on her knees, and all that.
i just think people should think before talking about kind and amasing people like Keria K. just because she kissed johnny depp!

Comment by Luh — February 27, 2007 @ 1:36 pm
I think…if this true….that Kiera was being a bitch 2 Johnny. He was only tryin 2 help. But ya she is really skinny and looks unhealthy. Johnny was rite!

Comment by Sophia — May 8, 2007 @ 6:46 pm
I think…if this true….that Kiera was being a bitch 2 Johnny. He was only tryin 2 help. But ya she is really skinny and looks unhealthy. Johnny was rite!

Comment by Sophia — May 8, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
Whoever wrote this article is right. even if this never happened what is said is true, she’s not good and Depp surely thinks of her as rubbish! and he’s right. he’s way much better!

Comment by Josy — June 4, 2007 @ 8:47 am
fuckin idiots. just read the top for goodness sake. it states the date and besides it, it wrote “Don’t believe anything else”. Get it morons?

“IMAGINARY MOMENTS OF POLITICS, BUSINESS, SPORTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND CELEBRITIES”.

there you go. all written at the top.

fuckin idiots…

Comment by xinZ — June 7, 2007 @ 9:06 am
K people i agree with half the stuff Raaaaaaaaachael like she is a GREAT ACTRES and she is not to skinny shes a normal georgas girl. The people who said keira sucks are fakes they suck KEIRA K ROCKS AND IS A GREAT ACTRES AND IS SOOOOO GEORGAS. By the way i know this artical isn’t real but to me it’s quut funny actulay i think its fantastic. Chill ppl its a joke.

Comment by coolcool — June 15, 2007 @ 10:34 pm
this artical is a fake its a pile of worm poop.

Comment by cewl — June 16, 2007 @ 2:16 pm
Okay jackasses, stop talking shit about Keira. Its just making you look like a prick. She is a good actress and Depp is an awsome actor. Who cares if she begged the dicrectors to kiss Depp. Hell i would do it too. And also guys and girls stop talking crap about how she looks o.k., coz when i was reading all this stupid shit about Keira is skinny, well news flash for you” YOUR JUST FUCKING JEALOUS SO STOP HATING”. And i no alot may disagree but her and Depp do make a good couple. Pirates was awsome!! Thats all i have to say.

Comment by Elizabeth — June 28, 2007 @ 4:44 pm
you guys are being total idiots!!!!! it probably did happen even though you saw the movie doesn’t mean you know the actors!!!! Keria is probably nice but she was just mad because she had a headach and was probably hungry! She didn’t know that johnny felt that way and she was probably so good in that movie because she took his advice! you guys are the people that you have to see it to belive it but if you don’t belive things that you hear you probably won’t belive anything anybody says to you!!! MAN!!!

Comment by miriah — July 6, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
by the way how do you know that keira begged the producers to kiss johnny do you know that for a fact?????and anyway johnny is alot older than her just so u guys know if you have actually looked up johnny depp and keria knighty or if you have have ever seen the movie!!!!! I MEAN OH MY GOD!!!!!

Comment by miriah — July 6, 2007 @ 3:51 pm
I like both Keira and Johnny there cool and Keira is pretty, but on the other hand she is a little bit too skinny i mean it would’t hurt to eat a little bit more and Johnny is a cool smooth dude who just cares about Keira and like Johnny said to Keira just go out and have fun and be silly. Also they r soooo lucky 2 b on the meanest movie EVER!!!!!!!! when i saw pirates of the caribbean at worlds end i was thinking man i wish i was in that movie!!! Peace out!!

Comment by pwashere — July 12, 2007 @ 12:09 am
oh, depp thats harsh, but very funny and looking at her its true!!!!!!

Comment by sami & shantel — July 30, 2007 @ 8:44 pm
why was keria in depp’s trailer?!

Comment by sami & shantel — July 30, 2007 @ 8:45 pm
i think that johnny depp would do that 2 her hes not trying 2 b mean hes giving advice give him a brake and she is really that skinny get real people!! who ever dosent beleve this can bite me and scrue u. keria is a bitch and in real intreviwes thay hav 2 act like they wanted 2 kiss them even though keria asked for the 2nd kiss i know that for a fact so BITE ME BITCHES!!!!!!!!!
JOHNNY DEPP IS A HOTTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by sami & shantel — July 30, 2007 @ 9:05 pm
THIS IS SSOOOO FAKE LOL but funny lol and keira made elizabeth and wondeful character.

Comment by cewl — November 1, 2007 @ 10:23 pm
this is a fiction see…it says parodical,,,can’t believe some of you actually believed this…lol

Comment by neo28 — February 12, 2008 @ 4:02 am
CIAO E.. JOHNNY I LOVE UUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by EMY — March 21, 2008 @ 8:43 am
hey great article. i think you r right johnny depp because in all films you have to give character or theres no point. and i like the character elizabeth swan and i think keira knightley is amazing she is such a good actor. but i think that jack sparrow is the best character and johnny depp is the best actor. i love yyyyyoooouuuuuu!!!!!!!!. i love all the films you and keira play in they are the best!

Comment by jack sparrow girl — April 3, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
ooookayy… intensely fictional? i mean… nice. but seriously, makes keira sound like an anorexic bitch and makes johnny sound like a father. and seriously unless you were like spying on them, how would you get info like that anyway?
its cute though.
entertaining i guess.
you know you love me.
xoxo

hahaha

Comment by becky — April 13, 2008 @ 4:23 pm
ahhh haha waitttt its supposed to be fictional. hahahahaha. woow . duuh. parodical.
ha
sorry
bex

Comment by becky — April 13, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

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Johnny Depp Gives Keira Knightley Acting Advice

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